dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
These tits shall not be calmed
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