i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
