bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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