Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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