i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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