i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
