So drunk its hurt
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
