Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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