you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
