Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
