I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
