I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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