I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She said her name was "party"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
