so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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