It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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