you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
