I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Green mimosas i think yes
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
