I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
