i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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