Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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