i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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