i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
