Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
