Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
