HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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