I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
