So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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