I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
