This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
