You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
