I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
