my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
