Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
