can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
