im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
