We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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