I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
