ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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