woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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