I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
