If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
