1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
