Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
