You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
