Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
