he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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