I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
