Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
