happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
