My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize