oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
