this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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