It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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