so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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