There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
