I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't turn off my feet"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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