There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
