Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
