Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I understand Curling. That high.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize