Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
