I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
