good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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