I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
