So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
