Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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