yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
